“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” (Steve Jobs)
Take a moment and think about the best things in your life right now. The people you love, the twists and turns that changed everything, the moments you would never trade. Now ask yourself honestly, how many of them did you actually plan? If you are anything like me, the answer is almost none of them. Even though there were some really hard and devastating times, coming out of them and now looking back, it worked for the better.
We like to believe we are in full control, mapping our lives step by step. The truth is softer and far more mysterious than that. Every choice we make, even the smallest one, sends out ripples we can never see the end of. A quiet yes. A kind word. A door we almost did not open. We rarely have any idea, in the moment, what we are really setting in motion.
A Few Words That Changed Everything
Years ago, I called in to see my mother during work hours. The mobile phone wouldn’t stop ringing as I sat at her table solving one problem after another from the job sites while she made me a Greek coffee, and gave me some of my favourite shortbreads she used to make. She watched me for a while, shaking her head. A too familair sign of thinking I was in trouble for whatever reason. She said something that hit me hard. ‘Is this what you do? How haven’t you gone mad listening to this every day?’
In that moment I laughed it off. ‘It’s my job,’ I said, ‘that’s what I do.’ She had no idea, and nor did I at the time. Those two observations cracked something open inside of me. Up until then I had quietly become everyone’s problem solver, people pleaser and sounding board while draining myself to please everyone, living on Panadol and debilitating migraines. Those passing comments from my mum became the ‘aha’ moment that started the next phase of a huge healing journey. I haven’t had a migraine in over seventeen years. She wasn’t trying to change my life. She simply said what she saw, and it changed everything.
The Ripples We Do Not Intend
Of course it works the other way too, and it would not be honest to pretend otherwise. A harsh word thrown in a fiery moment, a reaction we did not pause to question, a choice made while we were lost in ‘The Tip,’ all of these send out ripples we never meant to send. Sometimes they reach further than we will ever know, and sometimes we cannot take them back.
That is not a reason to live in fear of every move. It is simply a reason to pay closer attention to the state we are acting from. The same hand can skip a stone that delights a child or hurl one that breaks a window. The stone does not decide. We do!
You Cannot Govern the Ripple, Only the Stone
You cannot control where the ripples land. You will never see the full reach of a single kind word, or a single harsh one. Trying to govern all the consequences would send anyone mad. What you can tend is the stone you throw, the intention behind the act, and the place inside you that you act from.
This is why becoming the observer matters so much. When you act from ‘The Garden,’ calm, clear and open, the ripples you set off tend to carry that same quality outward. When you act from ‘The Tip,’ cluttered and reactive, so do those. One of the simplest guides I have ever lived by is: ‘leave people and places a little better than you found them.’ You may never see what that grows into. You can trust that you sent something good on its way.
Trust the Mystery
As Steve Jobs said, ‘You cannot connect the dots looking forward, only looking back.’ So much of what shaped your life will only make sense in the rear-view mirror. That unplanned conversation, the job that fell through, the person you happened to meet, the one small yes, you almost did not say. At the time it was just another ordinary day. Looking back, it was a turning point. I wrote a while ago about how one drive with my daughter grew into years of closeness, in my early blog post ‘How An Unexpected Drive Changed My Life And My Family.’ That was another moment whose ripples are still spreading today, so grateful for that moment I chose ‘Yes’ and miracles happened.
And please hold this gently, with no judgement. We have all sent out ripples we regret, and we have all missed chances we can only see now. That is part of being human. The invitation is not to get it perfect. It is to show up to today with a little more care, knowing that something small you do now could matter more than you could ever guess.
A Question to Sit With
As you move through this week, carry one gentle question with you:
‘What small thing could I do today whose ripples I may never fully see?’
Say the yes. Offer the kind word. Open the door. You cannot control where it travels. You can trust that you set something good in motion and let the rest unfold.
Have a great week,
Michael
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