How An Unexpected Drive Changed My Life And My Family
Many years ago while I was driving around for work and listening to the radio in the car, this became a frustrating affair, especially hearing the negative repetitive news every 15 minutes. Talk back was annoying and a drain to my energy. I decided to listen to audio CD’s; iPods were just invented back then. From that day, radio became a thing of the past. My greatest teachings at the time were from Joe Vitale, Robin Sharma, Wayne Dyer, Dr John DeMartini and more. My car became a place where I could spend time between job sites listening to these great people in the hope my life would get better so I could become a better person. Why spend hours listening to the radio when you can become inspired and learn from people who out of adversity, became the teachers they are today.
My life was out of control. I was always in anger, frustration, shame, guilt there was more money going out than coming in. Many times, I would fill up the tank with petrol not knowing if the credit card would be declined. The agony of seeing how much money was left in the credit card became unbearable. My lowest point was taking petrol out of the lawnmower so I could drive to my jobs one morning.
People had no idea the level of despair, unhappiness that was felt by my wife and myself. Getting out of the house and going for drives gave her relief and vice versa. Dr Google on the computer couldn’t help the situation, it’s amazing how many hours on the computer I spent trying to find some hope or something, to steer my marriage back on track. My wife accused me of loving the computer more than being with the family near the end of our marriage. That wasn’t true, I totally understood her viewpoint. I couldn’t express myself due to shame, anger, guilt for not being a good husband, father, and provider for his family. That’s what I told myself for years back then.
I would go for drives after dinner a few times a week to clear my head in the hope I would come back home a better person. I created a route that would take about one and a half hours. This was a good chunk of time to listen to these teachers. I would come home armed with more knowledge and tools. Little did I know there was so much garbage that had to be cleared internally to move forward. Getting tools is great; knowing how to use them to create a life you want is another thing.
My Daughter
One night I was about to leave for my drive when my daughter Eleni asked me. “Where do you go on your drives Dad?” I didn’t want to tell her and tried to fob her off hoping that was the end of the questioning. “Can I come?” she replied. Internally all I could think of is my solitude and listening to these teachers will be compromised having my daughter come along, this will disrupt “Me time”. Deep down I knew this would disappoint her if we didn’t do this together. I reluctantly said yes and decided to put my selfishness aside and off we went that night. She created her own music list, which was great, even though the music wasn’t my taste, just wanted her to be happy.
The first drive became a world within a world, she would ask me questions about life, I found myself teaching her things that I was learning from the audios. My daughter was 12 at the time, I realised she was getting some form of wisdom from me at her age. Imagine having the opportunity at 12 years of age seeing life in a different perspective from what’s been taught at school, TV, and the media. Even though I couldn’t do what I normally loved doing, having her in the car changed that night.
The drives continued and some nights there were questions about aliens and life on other planets and so much more. Other times she spoke for 45 minutes straight about someone at school that was pissing her off. I let her empty out what was inside, we both laughed when she stopped and realised. Our drives became therapy on wheels. It wasn’t just for her; it was also good for me. My other two kids came along down the track. Some nights listening to music so loud in the car and finding music they grew up with was so funny. Music fires up all the hemispheres of the brain which brings out memories and emotions of the past. Where you were, what age, what you were wearing and how life was. We have cracked up laughing so many times remembering all of this. There have been times when I’ve threatened to stop the car and kick them out. It’s good to get what’s out at times and deal with it in that moment. It’s now become a family tradition; you must be an honorary member to come for a ride with us these days.
I read a book “Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance” The motorbike is a metaphor for life. An example is: Are you a classic or a romantic? A classic is someone that loves bikes, pulls them apart and puts them back together again. A romantic is someone who has a garage full of bikes and has no idea how to take them apart or put them back together.
One night my kids were talking about things they can or can’t do in life. I asked them. “Are you a classic or a romantic about this?” By asking this question a huge conversation took place in the car, bouncing off ideas and making them realise if they aren’t passionate about something, doesn’t mean they aren’t good at it. they are just a romantic on that topic.
Freezing In the Car
I got them in the middle of winter to bring heavy blankets for our drive. One part of the drive it’s like being in the country. I told them to put down the windows in the car and we would smell winter: we would do the same in spring, autumn, and summer. These are the memories I wanted my kids to remember me by as well as these magical drives. Recently Eleni said to me. “Hey Dad, I smelt Spring today”.
Why wind down the windows and freeze in the car you say? In the book it describes what it’s like riding a motor bike, smelling the flowers, grass, the feel of the air on your face riding a bike without a helmet including the sounds. A windscreen is no different to a giant TV screen. I decided by putting the windows down, we could have the outside experience inside the car. If you think about it these days; we look at screens most times of the day. Our phones, computers, car windows, home windows, T.V’s, games etc.
Becoming Aware
On our drives I would ask questions like. “How do the trees know when it is summer or winter?” all the answers would come out, when it’s cold, hot? The answer is: it’s to do with amount of light from the sun, where there is more light, everything grows, less light and everything goes dormant. I would elaborate on the importance of the light spiritually to them as well. I have written about the light in some of my chapters in this book. The questions about what happens to us when we die? My kids know my theories and what I believed in growing up, how those beliefs or views have changed from all the reading and research I have done. They know this is my theories, and they are to discover what is right for them.
On these drives I discovered what activities and things they loved doing. Each child is different and have specific needs. I believe a child needs both female and male energy growing up, there are times I let my ex-wife talk to the kids and other times my ex wants me to talk to them.
My oldest at primary school did Auskick on Saturday mornings which is the Australian rules football training for kids. We would get into the car, and I would play the last two songs from ACDC’s album Powerage. This was getting her energy up to kick the football around etc. My oldest Jet is now 26 as I write this, we still listen to these songs and keep head banging. I love music, have many CD’s, albums, guitars. I’ve never influenced my oldest, Jet’s knowledge of music surpasses mine tenfold. Our love of music has created many nights going to see bands that we love. Jets is an amazing guitarist, bass player and artist. Last we saw Suzie Quatro, a great artist I grew up with in the 60’s.
Eleni and I love walks, going for breakfasts and going for drives together. Taught her how to drive and she carries on like me in the car. Talk about creating a clone of yourself like my father did for me which is funny. Dean and I love bike riding, drives, walks, and breakfasts together and lately we build kit guitars for fun. We love finding bike tracks and get excited experiencing them. These days it’s just Dean and I on our drives; we love talking about time travel and watch movies about it, then we dissect the movie to see if it is plausible. Talking about parallel universes and the quantum field is mind blowing at times.
A few years ago, Eleni found an old diary of hers. She came to my place and told me what she wrote when we first went for our drives. “Going for drives with Dad and I’m getting closer to him” I was in tears. Who ever thought such a simple thing like getting into a car and going for a drive would create this amazing part in our lives. Imagine if I didn’t let Eleni come out the first time for that drive, and what we all would have missed out on. Somehow the Universe must have listened to me and helped me create something my children and myself will never forget. Like the old saying says “It’s not what you do or give someone that makes them remember you. It’s how you make them feel”.
I met a woman who had very expensive diamond rings on both of her hands. She told me it was her husband’s way of saying he loves her. There was no intimacy, communication in their relationship. In their case, all she wanted was to reconnect with her husband, the expensive rings had no real value to her. How many people don’t spend time with their children, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends etc and think a present is going to solve everything? Time is such a precious commodity.
Going for drives and doing other things with my children has worked for me. It’s up to you to create what works best for yourself and the people around you. Growing up I picked up a guitar, and I found many people to play guitar with and had great times. This kept me sane and helped me in the dark times. Find what you love, and it will come your way, like it did for me. My Christmas present from Eleni was a CVD with all the songs we listened to on our drives. Theres a picture of Jet, Eleni and myself on the cover when they were really young. She labelled the CD “The Malacos Drive Experience”. One of the best presents I’ve ever had.
I am so glad I listened to my Inner self back then. How many of us miss out on these golden oportunities?
Have a great week
Michael
www.michaelmalacos.com