'No one frames a house on their own. The same is true for our lives.'
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” (African proverb)
No one frames a house on their own. Not because they can’t lift the timber. Because it’s smarter not to. Bringing in an extra set of hands, the job goes up easier, faster and a whole lot safer. Every good builder knows this in their bones. Here’s the strange part. The moment it comes to what we’re carrying in our heads, we forget everything and do it solo.
Reaching for a Hand Isn’t Weakness
You call in a sparky when it’s not your trade. You feel smart, because you know the job will get done by someone who knows that job. Your mind is no different. Sometimes the smartest call you can make is to bring in someone who knows how to work on that aspect of your life. Reaching for a hand was never a crack in you or a sign of weakness
A Bloke I Worked With
On a jobsite years ago, I had a certain contractor cancelling on me and breaking his promises, I also found out the preliminary work he had done onsite was installed incorrectly. I made the easy assumption that he was unreliable, avoiding me or not committed and other swear words.
The reality was nothing like I had thought was going on. He was carrying serious personal stress to do with his son, the weight of it was crushing his ability to work, focus and even to communicate. Here’s the part that has stayed with me: he didn’t ask for help or tell a single soul what he was going through. He carried it alone, and it cost him mental stress, suffering and so much more. On top of everything the jobs he had were breaking him apart, metally physically and emotionally.
The turning point came when the truth surfaced as I reached out to him with empathy instead of judgment. I asked him if he was ok, and if there is anything I can help him with? He broke down crying telling me what was going on in his life, everything changed from then on. I’ve thought many times since: imagine if he was able to say one honest word to someone earlier. How much lighter that load might have been.
What Going Solo Actually Costs
In my book I map out the rough terrain of ‘The Tip,’ and one of the places there is ‘Loneliness Gorge.’ It’s a vast, empty space echoing with isolation and disconnection, where you feel misunderstood and cut off, aching for connection. The cruel twist of the Gorge is what it makes us do: feeling disconnected, we withdraw even further, which only carves the canyon deeper. Carrying it all alone doesn’t make a man stronger. It quietly walks him further into the Gorge.
We Were Built to Connect
The way back out is toward ‘The Garden.’ That’s where authentic relationships, built on trust and empathy, actually thrive, and where a real sense of belonging lives. We were built for connection, not for going it alone.
If You’re Carrying Something Heavy
If there’s a load in your head right now that you’ve been shouldering it on your own, hear this as one tradie, friend, practitioner and fellow human being to another. You don’t have to frame that house alone, carry burdens, worries and more. This of course is a metaphor for all areas of your life. Reaching for a hand is the smarter way to build, the strong move, the thing a good operator does. It always was.
I was told many years ago: ‘You are a great creator!’ I was creating crap back then. I’ve spoken in one of my blogposts about this. You can do it solo or get help!
Have a great week
Michael
Need a hand? Book a session with me. I’ve been where you are.
📖 Where the F*ck Do Our Minds Go? → https://getbook.at/WhereDoOurMindsGo