‘When you believe in yourself, others begin to believe in you too.’
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” — Eleanor Roosevelt.
Here’s something I’ve seen play out more times than I can count, and when you start to believe in yourself, the people around you start to believe in you too. Belief is contagious. The quiet way you back yourself gives everyone near you permission to back you as well. Before we talk about that, it’s worth being honest about why backing yourself can feel so hard in the first place, because it isn’t a character flaw, and it isn’t you being weak.
’Self-Doubt Mountain.’
In my book I write about a place I call ‘Self-Doubt Mountain,’ and the real reason it’s so hard to climb. Our negative thought patterns aren’t just passing moods. They get deep-rooted through repeated firing of the same pathways in the brain, usually built around limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never succeed,” or “I’m unlovable.” Say them to yourself often enough, over enough years, and they hardwire. They stop feeling like thoughts and start feeling like facts.
That’s where self-doubt lives down in what I call ‘The Tip,’ the cluttered dumping ground of the mind, replaying the old voices on a loop. So, backing yourself doesn’t come naturally, please don’t take it as proof that you’re not capable. It’s just a well-worn track in the brain. The good news about a track worn in by repetition is that a new one can be worn in the very same way. And the old one will dissolve in time.
Belief Is Contagious When You Practice It Daily
Here’s the part that matters for everyone around you. Belief doesn’t stay put. When you back yourself, you quietly hand the people near you permission to do the same, for you and for themselves. It steadies a room. It lifts a family. It changes a workplace.
It also runs the other way too. Doubt is every bit as contagious as belief. When we broadcast “I can’t,” the people around us start to wear it as well. In the book I describe how, in ‘The Garden,’ supportive relationships provide encouragement, and that garden grows outward. The belief you cultivate in yourself becomes the encouragement someone else has been waiting to feel.
‘Confidence Hill and the Old Oak.’
There’s another landmark in the book I’m fond of: ‘Confidence Hill.’ I picture it as a strong old oak tree standing on a hilltop under clear blue skies with its inner strength, resilience, self-belief, and doubt overcome.
Here’s the thing about that oak. It didn’t grow strong by being spared the weather. It grew strong because of every storm it stood through. Its roots went deeper each time the wind tried to take it. Backing yourself works exactly the same way. As Eleanor Roosevelt put it, you gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop and look fear in the face. Every time you back yourself through something hard, the root system of your self-belief goes down a little deeper.
It Starts on the Inside.
So how do you actually begin? It begins with becoming the observer, catching the old limiting belief as it fires (“here’s that I’m not good enough track again”) instead of swallowing it whole as the truth. In the book I’m clear that positive self-talk nurtures confidence, and I mean it literally: the words you feed yourself lay down the pathway you’ll walk tomorrow. “I am worthy” is not wishful thinking. It’s tracklaying.
You don’t have to summon some enormous, unshakeable confidence overnight. You back yourself a little harder than you did yesterday. Take the small step you’d normally talk yourself out of. Speak up in the moment you’d usually shrink. Each time you do, the track to ‘Confidence Hill’ gets a little clearer, and ‘Self-Doubt Mountain’ loses a little of its grip.
A Question to Sit With This Week.
‘Where in your life could you back yourself a little harder?’
Pick one place. Back yourself there, just a bit more than feels comfortable, and watch what happens, not only in you, also in the people who’ve been quietly waiting for permission to back you too.
Have a great week,
Michael Malacos
📖 Where the F*ck Do Our Minds Go? — Navigating the Paths Between Chaos and Clarity → Get the book www.michaelmalacos.com
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