‘The Times When We Shut Down’
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” (Anne Lamott)
There are times when we simply shut down. The messages pile up unanswered, we go quiet, we pull back from people, we numb out, scroll for hours, pull the doona over our heads, or move through the whole day on autopilot. If you know that place, please hear this first. You are not alone, and you are not broken.
We tend to judge ourselves harshly for it, calling it weakness, laziness, or failing to cope. The truth is far kinder than that.
Shutdown Is Protection, Not Weakness
Most of us have heard of fight or flight. There is a third response we talk about less, and it is freeze. When life starts to feel like too much, when the pressure, the noise or the hurt tips past what we can handle, the nervous system can quietly hit the brakes and shut things down. It is not you failing. It is your body trying, in the only way it knows, to protect you from overwhelm.
Retreating Into ‘The Tip’
In my book I describe different zones inside ‘The Tip.’ There is the Overwhelm Ocean, where the demands and feelings flood in faster than we can cope with. There is the Loneliness Gorge, where we withdraw, disconnect and pull away from everyone. Shutting down is often simply a retreat into these places when the world has become too loud. It is a signal, not a flaw, a sign that something in you that needs rest and safety.
It Does Not Need Force
Here is what matters most. A shutdown does not respond to force, shame or someone telling you to just snap out of it. You cannot bully a frozen system back to life, and pushing harder usually deepens the freeze. What thaws something frozen is the opposite of force. Warmth. Patience. Gentleness. Tiny, kind movements, given a little time.
One Small Thaw
One way back is never a grand plan. It is one small, gentle act. A glass of water. Opening a window. Stepping outside for two minutes of fresh air. A few slow breaths. One honest conversation to a safe person. A warm shower, or sunlight on your face. You are not trying to fix everything at once, you are simply letting a little warmth back in and letting your system know it is safe to come back online.
It helps to become the gentle observer of it. Simply naming it, ‘I have shut down, and that is okay for now,’ loosens its grip. As a hypnotherapist, this is much of what I do with people, helping them meet these states with calm instead of fighting them, because the nervous system only settles once it finally feels safe.
A Question to Sit With
We all shut down sometimes, it is a human experience, and often it is simply how we learnt to survive the moments that were too much. If the shutting down runs deep, or it lingers, or you cannot find your way back out, please reach out to someone you trust or to a professional. You do not have to carry it alone.
This week, if you find yourself in that place, carry one gentle question with you:
‘What is one small, kind thing I could do right now to begin to thaw?’
You are not broken. You are protecting yourself. Be gentle, take one small step, and trust that, like almost everything, you will come back online.
Have a great week,
Michael
📖 Where the F*ck Do Our Minds Go? → Get the book