‘Be a lighthouse. You don’t chase the ships, just keep shining, and they find their way in.’
Be a Lighthouse
“You don’t chase the ships. You just keep shining, and the right ones find their way in.”
There’s an idea I’ve carried with me for years, and it comes from the writer Anne Lamott. She once described how a lighthouse doesn’t go running all over the island looking for boats to save. It just stands in the one spot and shines. The first time I heard that, something in me went quiet. I’ve never forgotten it.
Think about what a lighthouse actually is. It’s built on the hardest, rockiest edge of the coast, the very place the waves hit worst. It cops every storm that rolls through. And through all of it, it never moves. It doesn’t sprint down the beach waving its arms at a passing ship. It doesn’t call out, “Please, over here, notice me, come this way.” It simply holds its place and sends its light out into the dark. And the ships that are meant to find the harbour see that light, and they steer themselves home.
Most of us live the opposite way. We spend our lives chasing the ships. I know I did for years, and I learned it early, watching the people I loved most.
The Rescuers I Grew Up With
My father was the kindest man; he would drop everything the moment someone had a problem. A plumbing issue, a bit of maintenance, whatever it was, he’d be there. He busted his gut on weekends for extra money, and half the time people wouldn’t even pay him, because they knew his generosity and knew how to work it. A rescuer, I’ve since learned, is really a people pleaser.
“Nobody appreciates a people pleaser!”
My mother was the same in her own way. At Easter, Christmas and birthdays she’d make hundreds of Greek cakes and shortbreads, I’m not exaggerating! They were all arranged beautifully on plates, wrapped in cellophane with a coloured ribbon. My father would deliver them to friends and family. Most of those plates never came back. We used to laugh about it. She busted her gut too, giving and giving, hoping to be loved for it.
And I picked it up like a hand-me-down. When my mother wanted me to help her friends with carpentry or labouring, I did it for free, because she said she owed them a favour. It had nothing to do with me. I realise years later that I had very limited self-worth back then. I was scared of upsetting her, which was its own quiet kind of emotional blackmail, so I chased everyone’s approval and called it being a good bloke. Here’s what all those years finally taught me: nobody respects a people pleaser.
Keeping Your Light On
So, what’s the other way? You keep your light on. In my book I call it ‘The Garden,’ a place of light, resilience and growth, where your truest self can finally breathe. And the beautiful thing is, ‘The Garden’ isn’t somewhere out there. It’s hidden inside you, waiting behind the tangled old stories.
Keeping your light on means tending to who you actually are, instead of performing who you think you need to be. It starts with becoming the observer, catching yourself mid-chase and seeing it for what it is. From there you get to choose. You stop dimming yourself to keep others comfortable. You do your work with heart, you stay honest, you stay steady, and you let that be seen. A lighthouse doesn’t strain or shout. It just shines, because shining is simply what it is.
The Right Ships Find the Harbour
Here’s what I’ve watched happen, in my own life and with people I sit with. Once someone stops chasing and starts shining. The right people begin to arrive on their own. The right friendships, the right work, the right kind of love. And because you never bent yourself to pull them in, you don’t have to keep bending to keep them. They came for the real light. So, they stay.
The ones who were never yours to catch drift on by. You were never meant to be the harbour for every passing ship. Only for the ones heading your way.
A Question to Sit With this week: When you catch yourself reaching, straining, over-giving, trying to convince someone to see your worth. Stop for a second and ask yourself honestly:
Are you chasing ships, or keeping your light on?
You don’t have to chase a soul. Tend to your light and keep it burning steady from ‘The Garden,’ and trust that what’s truly meant for you already knows how to find its way to you.
Have a great week,
Michael
📖 Where the F*ck Do Our Minds Go? — Navigating the Paths Between Chaos and Clarity → Get the book
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